are you so shy because you have an std?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
