that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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