Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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