Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
