I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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