The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
