my sisters under your porch take her home
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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