two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
