I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
