So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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