8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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