You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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