i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
