I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
