I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can't turn off my feet"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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