nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
