Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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