party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
