This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
