i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
