Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
