I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
