Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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