I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
