So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
