Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize