The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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