I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
