i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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