New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
