i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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