Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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