Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
