she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
