so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
