We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
