Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just gift wrapped bread.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
