idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
