Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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