You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
