The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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