whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
