I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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