So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize