I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
