guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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