She's JV to your varsity
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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