Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
