Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Randomize
