Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
