i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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