Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
