I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
