Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
did i just pee glitter
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
