shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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