not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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