I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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