my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
