We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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