just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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