you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
where are my eyebrows?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
