'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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