i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
