I think I just saw someone hide a body.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
