I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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