i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
worst night to have a conscience
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
