I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
