Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
