I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
